The crap and the gold...

We don't need to deny one to embrace the other.

As I navigate the holiday season and my dad’s brain cancer, I’ve found myself dancing with some poignant thoughts and feelings.

I used to try to avoid bad feelings. Because they feel… you know… bad. But when I started ‘working on myself’ (that phrase feels so heavy to me now), I began to understand that repressing feelings just ensures I’d have to deal with them in more intense ways in the future.

Which led to this:

But marinating in crap isn’t helpful either. It makes the crappy feelings sticky and hard to process.

Working with hundreds of people as an energy healer taught me something that I wish everyone knew: all of our feelings have value.

We can’t disconnect from our anger, jealousy, resentment and rage, without also disconnecting from our love, joy, intimacy and bliss to the exact same degree.

That’s because what we’re really disconnecting from isn’t our feelings. It’s ourselves and our hearts. Which impacts our experience of everything.

My intention - not just with dad’s cancer, but with all of life - is to be present with what’s present inside me.

When I do that well, I’m available for the hard stuff when it’s time for that, but I’m equally available for the awesomeness when it’s time for that.

I do the best I can with it in each moment. Sometimes I’m killing it. And sometimes I’m not. When I’m doing ‘less well’, I’m sometimes tempted to get angry with myself and demand that I do better.

But that never helps. Because it makes me feel not-good-enough, ashamed and also stressed. And how the fuck can I expect to win from that?

Each and every time I am doing less well, that’s a signal to me that it’s time for me to give myself more love. Not less. Never less.

So, yes, this festive season has been sad and more than a little heart-breaking for me. But it’s been full of awesomeness too.

Here are just some of the fabulous things that happened in the same week.

Awesomeness 1

I was driving by my local beach when I saw an older couple walking with their bird. Yes, their BIRD. No, it was not on a leash. It was in (what I now know is called) a ‘bird carrier’: a specialty backpack with a clear pocket that houses a ‘stick’ for your bird to perch on as you lovingly and safely parade them through the world.

I love animals, and I extra love people who love animals. This act of devotion made my heart warm.

Awesomeness 2

I recently came across a new-for-me Substack with a great idea. In her

Wild Letters

newsletter, Nic Antoinette shares the things that are working for her in her life. This is the post that I am stealing from inspired by:

What's Working: vol 6

Things that are working for me in my life atm:

Sitting by the pool, eating blandish food, listening to amazing audiobooks, starting my days by cuddling puppies while drinking coffee and reading awesome newsletters, glaucoma eye drops that stop me going blind, time to spend with friends and family, putting foil on the couch to discourage the dogs from sitting on it, fresh strawberries in sparking water, cocktails and mocktails, drawing, taking a bunch of short courses (eg. drawing and writing), stationary and art supplies, listening to soothing music, ‘We Were Witches’, evening walks, herbal teas, hair conditioning treatments, Matt being home, designing floral patterns with posca markers.

I’d LOVE to hear what’s working for you in your life! Let’s inspire ourselves and each other. Comment below to share what’s working for you in your life!

Awesomeness 3

See that last item on my ‘what’s working for me’ list? I really am loving it. Here is one of the patterns I created while drinking a Mudslide and chair-dancing to cool music:

I’ve created a few patterns now. Let me know if you wanna see them and I’ll pop them in our chat!

From my heart to yours, thank you for being here. If there is anyone in your world who you think would enjoy Great Things, I’d super appreciate you sharing it.

May your week be rich, fun and deliciously satisfying!