When anger isn't bad

In casual conversation, I recently revealed to Tanya that I’m addicted to putting hot water bottles on my back.

and proceeded accordingly:

Tanya — wise woman that she is — knew I must be processing something important and encouraged me to keep it going. So I did.

But it was a little too soon.

In the privacy of my inner world, that looked a little like this:

I walked out of Tanya’s office significantly more grounded, relaxed and connected to myself.

If I’d shared this inner world process with Past Medha, she would’ve rolled her eyes. Without ever trying it, she would’ve decreed it

And I’ll give it to her. A process like this can be bullshit. But, in my experience, it’s only ever bullshit when we fake it. When we go through the motions of self-support, but what we’re really doing is forcing ourselves to get over whatever is upsetting us ASAfuckingP.

Turning towards my difficult feelings and loving myself through them makes me feel loved. It makes me feel like I matter and like I’m supported.

And, no matter what I’m dealing with, a Medha who feels loved, supported and important always feels better than a Medha who doesn’t.

Do I enjoy feeling my shit feelings?

No. They feel shit.

Is feeling them hard?

Yep. It gets easier over time, but it’s still a little hard.

Does it suck?

Often.

Have I finally learned this lesson well enough that feeling my shit feelings will henceforth be my default? Probably not. But I know it well enough that when I forget that feeling my shit feelings helps me arrive at genuine (rather than pretend) good feeling, I will - at some point - remember. That’s enough.

Over to you! I’d love to hear your thoughts in this, or anything else!

1. Did you have a favourite drawing this week?

2. Can you read my handwritten text easily enough? Believe it or not, that’s my ‘trying to be legible’ writing! hehe.

3. Got any non-soul-destroying documentary recommendations?

Ps. Next week I’ll announce the winner of the prize for filling out the Great Things Survey!